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Leaked Footage of the Nintendo 3DS

January 3rd, 2011 No comments


Remember that new Nintendo gadget custom-built to ruin your kid’s eyesight? Early this morning, the Nintendo3DS Blog posted  video footage of one of them that a Chinese worker smuggled off the assembly line. The worker apparently posted photos and the video to an unspecified online forum, which then deleted the thread.

But by then, the cross-eyed cat was out of the bag, and the photos are goin’ everywhere, including Wired. Nintendo3DSBlog.com says it’s probably this forum, but my Chinese is a little rusty, so who knows?

Incendentally, an article from Tech Radar back in March explains the “lenticular technology” used to generate the illusory 3D image. It’s a video rendition of the same lenticular printing technology used to produce ultra-cool trading card, 3D lunch boxes, and Def Leppard album covers.

It’s pretty easy to get quotes on this stuff when it comes to print; my understanding is that most large printers can arrange to do it for a print job (though they’ll almost certainly contract it out). The innovation Nintendo’s bringing is using the two screens to generate such an image in a video game context.

I feel cross-eyed already!

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The Evils of the Nintendo 3DS

January 3rd, 2011 No comments

"You lookin' at me?" Miguel-Antonio De La Stripey, who played too many 3D games and now pays the price. Let this be a warning to you! Creative Commons image by Stefano Mortellaro.

Guess what? It’s not just your kid’s brain, reasoning power, and moral compass that may be obliterated by video games. It’s no longer enough that the video game industry has conspired to turn your child into a ravenous bugblatter beast who slaps prostitutes, shotguns rival gang members, kills mutant Bosses with chainsaws, grabs coins out of midair, invades Normandy, and chops on the green instead of putting, just for kicks.

If you let your children play video games, they won’t just murder you with hatchets; they’ll do it while cross-eyed.

I got the story from BBC News, but you can catch it over at Joystiq and Network World and even over at the Wall Street Journal. Nintendo put out a warning on its website that their new 3DS, which goes on sale in March, can cause damage to the eyesight of children under six.

The new device shows content on two screens, one as an overlay to the other. It doesn’t require those extra-cool 3D glasses, which means your children won’t only be cross-eyed — they’ll be far less fashionable.

The problem is, of course, that the device uses stereoscopic vision to create the illusion of a 3D image. Kids under six aren’t all that used to focusing their eyes on one point — hell, they just found out about pooping on the potty, what do you expect out of these kids?

Therefore, says the BBC:

Parents should turn off this function if the handheld is going to be used by a child under six years of age, said Nintendo. It said the advice it had received from experts also applied to other 3D content that younger children might be exposed to…The companies have also warned that watching too much 3D content can cause adults discomfort.

Having had my own eyes scoured by Avatar last year, I have to agree with the BBC on this one; I’m still twitching, and to this day I have to fight the urge to do violence every time I see a white guy with dreadlocks, or Sigourney Weaver. I already killed Giovanni Ribisi and stuffed his body in a steamer trunk, so yes, I think that could probably qualify as discomfort. Thanks, James Cameron.

Anyway, Nintendo isn’t the first company to suggest that 3D games can cause problems. Sony actually suggested that parents should get medical advice before letting children play 3D games on the PlayStation, which uses glasses. Toshiba’s device doesn’t, and according to the BBC article, “Toshiba has said parents should keep an eye on children watching its TVs that can display 3D images without needing glasses.”

Is that, like, the same way I should keep an eye on my kids while they’re field-stripping their AK-47s while sniffing glue, or is this more serious? Less serious? More serious? I can’t figure it out.

At least one eye expert told Fox News that Nintendo is probably overreacting, and the Wall Street Journal expressed bewilderment, stating:

Given scant evidence of medical dangers, it wasn’t known what prompted the warning from Nintendo, which echoed that of other 3-D manufacturers. Some people in the industry speculated that it was a prospective effort to fend off litigation.

…Derp! As with so many consumer technologies, the warnings are so overwrought and unclear that nobody can tell what the company’s thinking. Warnings like this exist for the benefit of corporations, who — in case you were wondering — don’t give a damn if your kid goes cross-eyed or not, as long as you don’t sue them.

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New Year’s Eve: Blackbirds Fall From the Sky Just Before Midnight

January 3rd, 2011 No comments

Courtesy of BuyCostumes.com

A few minutes before midnight on New Year’s Eve, thousands of blackbirds fell dead from the sky in Arkansas.

Occurring over the town of Bebe, Arkansas, in an area about a mile long and a half-mile wide, the phenomenon is, thus far, totally unexplained. In fact, the BBC’s story accompanying the article is just 54 words long. The local TV station, KATV, has a longer story that’s even more maddening for its lack of answers. The speculation is that lightning or high-atmosphere hail caused the deaths, but further speculation is that New Year’s Eve fireworks could have caused the birds to die of stress (which sounds unfeasible to me, but what do I know?)

There was a similar event in 2007 in Southwestern Australia, and the very short quote from a (now unavailable) 2007 CNN story about the Australia event says it happened “recently” (prior to 2007) in Texas and Oregon. I’m pretty sure, though, none of them happened just before midnight on New Year’s Eve — which is just creepy.

Back in Arkansas, the local news cites an earlier event in that state. It was also reported along the Alabama-Florida Gulf Coast migratory pathway (which to my understanding, leads all the way down to the Panamanian isthmus). I found other references to occurrences in

The local news calls it an “apocalyptic mystery,” and says there could be up to 5,000 birds.

The area’s TV station has this to say as a voice-over in the video:

It really is like something out of  a horror film….dozens of birds litter the ground and the scariest part is, no one knows how they got here. Most of the animals are red-winged blackbirds…and they’re not just on lawns. We found so many of them on some roads that it was difficult to drive without crushing them.

Here, listen for yourself — but if you like birds, it might be disturbing.

Another news story says:

The Arkansas Game and Fish Commission says laboratories in Arkansas, Georgia and Wisconsin will examine some carcasses starting Monday. Results could be back in a week.

It’s not the first time birds have dropped from the Arkansas sky. Lightning killed ducks at Hot Springs in 2001 and hail knocked birds from the sky at Stuttgart [Arkansas] in 1973 on the day before hunting season.

[Link.]

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Told/Untold/Retold: Qatar Contemporary Art Exhibition

January 2nd, 2011 No comments

Screencap of BIPRODUCT, a multimedia installation by Khalil Rabah.

Wow, Qatar has been making headlines lately. The Arabian-peninsula nation committed the coup of snatching the 2022 World Cup from the hands of other likely aspirants, assuring that players and soccer hooligans alike will have to cope with the region’s 120 degree heat.

Now, according to an article in Gulf-Times.com, Mathaf: The Arab Museum of Modern Art in Doha, Qatar is hosting its first multimedia art exhibition, a little thing called “Told/Untold/Retold,” which opened December 30. Qatar Museums Authority’s new exhibition hall at the Museum of Islamic Art. In fact, if you visit Mathaf’s website, you’ll find a slideshow of some absolutely incredible images, including the unbelievable image at right.

According to the website, this piece by Khalil Rabah is a multimedia installation. I haven’t got the foggiest idea what’s meant by that term, in this case…it boggles my mind. This isn’t Dubai, so I assume that Khalil Rabah didn’t actually build an aircraft carrier with plants growing on it, or obtain a carrier and plant stuff on it. But who knows…?

Incidentally, you absolutely must check out this image, from Jeffar Khaldi. There are other offerings by Khalil Rabah, Youssef Nabil, Khaled Takreti, mounir fatmi, Jeffar Khaldi, and more, for a total of 23 artists represented. But of course, the part of the show that generated headlines, and probably the only part that will lodge in the brainpans of art lovers in the west, is the dude with the camera implanted in his head.

In case you missed the media orgy in November and December over this wacky Iraqi, that guy with the head-camera he’s Iraq-born Wafaa Bilal, an artist and an Assistant Professor in the Department of Photography and Imaging at NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts. The implantation of a camera in Bilal’s skull was sponsored by Mathaf for the Told/Untold/Retold show. It’s part of an art experiment in which the two-inch-diameter camera in Bilal’s head takes a photo once a minute for a year, wherever Bilal goes and whatever he’s doing.

The photos are posted to the website 3rdi.me, but since Bilal is back in New York (after a trip to the middle east in December), he must be asleep now — at press time, it’s jet black.

Bilal’s project was covered pretty extensively in the Western press a month or two ago, including articles in the Daily Mail, HuffPo, Popular Science, the BBC World Service, CNN, blah blah blah. Gulf-Times quotes Bilal extensively from the BBC World Service interview about the bizarre implications of this project, including the fact, for instance, that he “hopes to upgrade his camera to a waterproof one,” so he can take a shower without a shower cap, and that his “private moments” with his girlfriend will become public moments.

I’m going to be honest with you: I get the heebie jeebies even thinking about art like Bilal’s head-camera, not because I’m squeamish about someone having a camera in their head, but because it reeks of gimmicky, pointless tech obsession. Bilal, who lost a brother to a checkpoint bomb, surely has plenty to say about surveillance and its related traumas.

And conceptual art as a category, I don’t object to — in fact, sometimes I love it. Otherwise, how could I get so excited about this incredible installation by Buthayna Ali. I occasionally wake up from nightmares alternately screaming or giggling over the installation I once saw at the San Francisco MOMA with the thousand-and-one French poodles barking at the baby. (I’ve never found it again…it may never have existed. Never have existed. Never have existed…)

But I will admit that I’ve always been deeply suspicious of “high-concept” conceptual art like the Bilal camera; I always feel like it’s remarkably free of content, relying on form to give it meaning. At any given poetry reading at the underground art gallery, I’m always the guy in the corner trying to stifle my laughter as a “performance artist” slaps meat on their head and screams “I am a butterfly! BUTTERFLY!! LOVE ME!!!”

Go ahead! Point me at a canvas of International Klein Blue, and say in your rapture-drunk voice: “Isn’t it glorious?” I’ll try not to punch you in the face. I’ll try.

Clearly, Bilal’s experiment is a whole other field of conceptual art, but as compelling as I find it, every fiber in my body screams “Gimmick.” That’s why I, personally, got a groovier vibe when I checked out Bilal’s competition for eyeballs within the Told/Untold/Retold show. In some ways its fascinatingly credulous art, which makes it kinda refreshing to me. There are other ways in which it strikes me as less credulous than American contemporary art, which has gotten pretty credulous in recent years. Whether it’s drunk American Kool-Aid or failed to drink it, I’m never quite sure.

The good news is that MATHAF has a Facebook Page, a Twitter account, and of course a blog. It’s having a photo competition (deadline, January 6!), so be sure to upload all those snaps you took when visiting the museum. If you’re a virgin to contemporary Arab art, as I am, you may be as pleased as I was to run across the “feisty Beiruti grandmother” showcased in the film Grandma, A Thousand Times, which the museum recently screened (don’t miss the upcoming UAE premier!).

I’m as sad as you are, however, that I missed the free bracelets given away last Thursday, as announced on the Twitter account:

From MATHAR's Twitpic account.

With our powers combined! We join to form Captain! Mathaf! @MathafModern bracelets for our first visitors. Come get yours this Thursday at 3PM! #Qatar

It sounds like they’re having a heck of a party over there in Qatar, that’s for dang sure.

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Amazon Erotica Authors Complain of Content-Based Removal

January 2nd, 2011 1 comment

Creative Commons image by Mike Licht of NotionsCapital.com.

A kerfuffle has erupted recently among authors of erotica who have published Kindle titles on Amazon.com. It turns out that those featuring content that violates Amazon’s notoriously vague “content guidelines” have been removed not only from Amazon’s catalog but from the Kindles of customers that have already bought that title.

As KDawson posted to Slashdot on December 15:

“The independent writers who publish on Amazon report that erotica books containing incest are being taken down with no explanation by Amazon, and removed from the Kindles of purchasers of the books. Author Selena Kitt writes: ‘I want to be clear that while the subject of incest may not appeal to some, there is no underage contact in any of my work, and I make that either explicitly clear in all my stories or I state it up front in the book’s disclaimer. I don’t condone or support actual incest, just as someone who writes mysteries about serial killers wouldn’t condone killing. What I write is fiction.’ Kindle’s own TV ad features a book with a story line of sex between a 19-year-old and his stepmother, defined in some states as incest (Sleepwalking by Amy Bloom).”

[Link.]

Then, on December 30, it was reported by Nom du Keyboard that the removal has been expanded to include male-on-male fiction on rape themes, pointing out:

“Recently word leaked out about Amazon removing titles containing fictional incest. Surprisingly that ban didn’t extend to the 10 titles of Science Fiction Grand Master Robert A. Heinlein that incorporate various themes of incest and pedophilia. Now, it seems that the censorship is expanding to m/m gay fiction if it contains the magic word ‘rape’ in the title. Just how far is this going to be allowed to proceed in relative silence, and who is pushing these sudden decisions on Amazon’s part?

…Nom du Keyboard’s post pointed us at  a post on the blog of Kyle Michel Sullivan), who has released male-on-male fiction with rape themes under the Amazon DTP (Digital Text Platform) system. Whether Sullivan’s work is intended to be erotic or arousing wasn’t entirely clear to me on first glance — but more on that later.

Amazon pulled Sullivan’s titles “How to Rape a Straight Guy” and “Rape in Holding Cell 6.” Sullivan quoted Amazon’s letter in response to a complaint about it:

During our review process, we found that your titles contain content that is in violation of our content guidelines. As a result, we have removed the books from our store.

Please note that if you continue to submit content that violates our content guidelines, we may conduct a general review of your account.  Actions resulting from such a review could result in a termination of your account.

[Link.]

Kyle wrote them back (in part):

I’m at a loss as to understand how my books violated your content guidelines.  They are not pornographic and have solid stories and meaning behind them.  The sex in them is not that much more detailed than what you find in Jackie Collins’ and Judith Krantz’s novels, all of which can be found in a library.  Also, you carry items that celebrate the torture and murder of women (see “Saw2″ “Hostel 2″ (oops) where a naked female is strung upside down and butchered so her blood can bathe another naked female lying under her) and the gleeful slaughter of human beings (“American Psycho”, for example).

Please don’t misunderstand me when I say I am not as outraged as Kyle Sullivan. It’s just that as an author, I’m not that surprised. Amazon’s content restrictions have always been bizarre at best. Their terms of service are complicated, like all terms of service, where the burden of understanding is on the user, not the company.

And what Amazon’s DTP terms of service say on the matter of content (last time I checked) is that no pornographic material is allowed. Amazon apparently feels empowered to decide what that means. I don’t roll my eyes at their willingness to make that call. I roll my eyes at their willingness to do so without telling me, as a consumer, what the hell they decided it means — except on a case by case basis, after the fact, and potentially after I’ve bought a title.

I have not read Sullivan’s work, so I have no idea if this is a case of a “serious” work of entertainment/social criticism/literature that happens to contain sexual and rape-relate themes. Whatever that word, “serious” means, let alone “entertainment,” “social criticism,” “literature.” It might also be a case of an erotica author pleading “redeeming literary value” in a reasonable argument for why explicitly sexual writing in all its forms should be allowed in any appropriate venue. I’m not so sure it matters, because that distinction is definitely in the eye of the beholder, and retailers like Amazon (or Barnes & Noble, or Waldenbooks, or Joe and Jane’s Bookstore) have made that call since time immemorial, on what grounds I couldn’t even begin to speculate from case to case.

As it pertains to Sullivan, since I haven’t read the works in question, I haven’t the foggiest idea whether we’re talking about “art” or “trash” or something in between — and I don’t care.

Amazon removing material from their site that they’ve arbitrarily decided violates their guidelines, after leaving it live for a few days, weeks, or months, is nothing new — virtually all hosting companies, credit card processors, blog engines, etc, have been doing this since dinosaurs walked the Earth. It is outrageous of them to do this, and it is a crappy way to do business. But it’s not new.

What’s new is that if you’re a Kindle consumer, Amazon can now come into your house and take your books from your Kindle because of their screw-up in not catching the content violation earlier.

As a reader of all forms of literature, and a ravenous consumer of books, I am thoroughly outraged by that.

The word “censorship” has been tossed around a lot in this matter, while all the Amazon apologists and kiss-asses flood the airwaves with their protestations that it’s only censorship if the govermment does it. I don’t know about that, exactly, but I’ll agree that censorship is a very dangerous word, and should be used with caution.

Anyone who has been writing erotica for any period of time knows — or, if they don’t, they’re not paying attention — that anywhere you write for (or publish with, even if you’re just photocopying your stories down at the Copy Kween) makes decision as to what they are okay with you saying using their property. They have no problem making money off of you, however, provided that what you say doesn’t violate, by their always arbitrary guidelines, what they consider sexually acceptable. Rape and incest, in explicit terms, has almost never been considered okay by publishers or bookstores, which is why they show up in bizarrely coded and camouflaged forms throughout the history of erotic literature.

The difference now is that consumers are purchasing works, paying for them, and then having them removed because Amazon has retroactively decided they shouldn’t have sold them in the first place. That is incredibly dangerous, and it’s designed to limit Amazon’s damage in the case of “violations” that were missed the first time around because there’s no meaningful pre-publication review process.

If this reminds anyone of 1984, it should. Back in 2009, people who had purchased an edition of George Orwell’s novel Nineteen Eight-Four from a certain publisher found it had vanished overnight from their Kindles, owing to the little problem of who owned the Nineteen Eight-Four copyright. It seems obvious to me that the issue there was quite explicitly that Amazon was limiting its liabilities, not protecting consumers in any way. If Amazon had published a print edition, they would have been legally liable for all the books they’d sold that they didn’t swipe back from consumer’s bookshelves. Clearly, in the case of a print edition that would have been impractical. In this case? It just took the push of a button. No muss, no fuss — and nothing to do with Nineteen Eight-Four‘s content, in political terms.

But erotica, as any published erotica author knows (or should know), is a whole nother ball game. Publishers, editors, bookstores and other outlets, magazines and blogs that might promote one’s work — they all (and I mean ALL!!!!!!) make broad sweeping generalizations and restrictions on content grounds, of one form or another. Rape and incest have traditionally been two of the themes completely verboten in most outlets, and certainly any broadly commercial outlet. You can publish all the rape or incest erotica you want in a virtually unregulated and unrestricted non-commercial forum like the Alt Sex Stories Text Repository (or ASSTR — that link is NSFW, in a BIG way). But even publishing rape-themed erotica on your blog is a very risky proposition, which is why ASSTR is as bare-bones as it is.

The problem is, and always has been, that sorting out what is “pornographic” is as difficult as ever. Authors who claim not to be pornographic have always been treated differently than those who, without apology, submit that they write to arouse their audiences.

I’ll be the first to admit that there’s no good way to draw a distinction between “this story is pornographic” and “this story is a serious work of social criticism that may involve the sexual arousal of the characters and/or the readers.” Feel free to make whatever boneheaded broad, sweeping suppositions you like about “porn” vs. “erotica” vs. “literature” — retailers, and now de facto publishers, like Amazon, will make different suppositions, I guarantee you — and no amount of arguing with them will sway them.

That’s always been the big challenge of writing sexual work on challenging themes. Erotic literature pioneer Maurice Girodas of Olympia Press got chased around Paris by the gendarmes. He and his friends carried their printing press out the back door and into a waiting jalopy while the cops pounded on the front door. The Girodas family later published William S. Burroughs and Henry Miller.

Whether Amazon has censored a Burroughs or a Henry Miller or an Anais Nin or whoever by this action — or just a Thomas Roche, and who cares — I haven’t the foggiest idea, and I don’t plan to find out. Either way, it’s nothing new from a writer’s or a retailer’s perspective.

As a writer, as I alluded to earlier, I frankly don’t give a damn.

But I read a hell of a lot more than I write. From a consumer’s perspective, this trend is completely new, and is phenomenally dangerous. It must not be allowed.

In fact I would say that, as a buyer of books, Amazon’s trend of retroactively canceling sales and removing work from your virtual bookshelf is absolutely catastrophic. It renders Amazon completely unacceptable as a retailer. In the case, for instance, of a CD that I buy, then legally rip, then illegally distribute as a set of MP3s, it takes legal action to hold me liable for that.

If Amazon’s position is that their sale to you can be rescinded at any time without notifying you, it has ceased to be a retailer. It can’t even claim to be a library, because libraries are (nowadays, usually) free. It is, at best, the on-demand equivalent of a radio station, except most radio stations are free, too. Why would one pay for the temporary use of a piece of text that they might have snatched from their computer at any time, when in the vast majority of cases they could obtain the same text for the same price from a company that doesn’t have a history of changing its mind and taking its purchase back?

Again, I will deliver my opinion explicitly, in case anyone missed it: Amazon must not remove from customers’ Kindles books they have already sold to them.

Amazon, either lock down your content at the starting gate, or take your lumps when you profit from the sale of something you’re uncomfortable profiting from.

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Japanese Immigration Restrictions Causing Nursing Problems

January 2nd, 2011 No comments

Sexy Brain Eating Zombie Nurse by Nate "Igor" Smith.

Japan has always been a famously closed society, almost to the point of legend. This closed nature has traditionally meant a very hard time for foreign immigrants to Japan. Combine that with a population that, government estimates say, will shrink from 127 million to 90 million over the next 50 years (that’s 30%!), while its population ages demographically. Most shrinking populations do that, unless they’re shrinking because of plague — and sometimes even then.

An interesting article by Hiroku Tabuchi in today’s New York Times discusses this widespread problems being called by Japan’s unwillingness to bring in immigrants as skilled workers to combat its ongoing problems — particularly in the healthcare arena, which is the sector in which the U.S. is having similar problems.

Specifically, Japan is suffering from a lack of nurses — but the test required to extend nursing visas in Japan is so tough that “…only 3 of the 600 nurses brought here from Indonesia and the Philippines since 2007 have passed.” The Japanese government, says Tabuchi, “…is actively encouraging both foreign workers and foreign graduates of its universities and professional schools to return home while protecting tiny interest groups.” In this case it’s the local nursing association that fears a drop in salaries from immigrant nurses. The Times quotes the chairman of a medical services company that recruits foreign nurses as saying, “The exam is to make sure the foreigners will fail.”

This nursing shortage may sound kinda familiar to those of us in the United States, which also suffers from a shortage in nurses. An article in Business Week discusses the eagerness of hospital administrators to hire nurses from the Philippines to cover their chronic shortages of nurses. But back in 2009, President Obama said, “The notion that we would have to import nurses makes absolutely no sense,” citing high unemployment.  According to an article in NumbersUSA.com:

The nursing labor unions also oppose an increase in foreign nurses because it would undermine the country’s own nurses while taking qualified nurses away from other countries. The nurses’ unions say importing foreign nurses can lower incentives for health care facilities to improve the current nursing conditions, which has led to 500,000 trained nurses not working in the field.

“If unemployment is spiking, why do we need to bring in nurses from another country?” said Ann Converso, president of United American Nurses. “We believe thousands and thousands of RNs would rejoin the profession if conditions improved. We have to again allow nurses to do what they do best: care for human beings.”

[Link.]

Oh, but, back to Japan. In much the same way that many of the students who come to the U.S. to study technical fields like engineering, nursing or medicine end up returning to their home countries, only a small percentage of foreign technical students in Japan are able to stay after graduation. Says the Times:

In 2008, only 11,000 of the 130,000 foreign students at Japan’s universities and technical colleges found jobs here, according to the recruitment firm, Mainichi Communications. While some Japanese companies have publicly said they will hire more foreigners in a bid to globalize their work forces, they remain a minority.

…Foreigners who submitted new applications for residential status — an important indicator of highly skilled labor because the status requires a specialized profession — slumped 49 percent in 2009 from a year earlier to just 8,905 people.

[Link.]

The overall problem as it pertains to healthcare is that an aging, shrinking population means fewer people to take care of the oldsters as they enter the most healthcare-intensive phase in their life. This makes Japan’s shortage of health care personnel potentially one of its most urgent problems (after the possibility of North Korean nukes, natch).

The answer? Zombie nurses, of course, as illustrated at the top of this post.

They’re young, they’re hungry, and they work for braaaaainnnnzzz.

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Detective Simon Dinsdale Takes up His Father’s Quest at Loch Ness

December 30th, 2010 1 comment

Illustration from an edition of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

Tim Dinsdale, an Indian-born Royal Air Force engineer, is one of the most famous researchers into the monster reputedly lurking in Loch Ness in the Scottish highlands. His son, Simon Dinsdale, will be continuing his father’s research, according to an article on Paranormal Utopia.

According to the article, the younger Dinsdale is now a retired police detective, says he’s seen the monster twice. However, he believes that hard evidence is needed to back up his claims.

Sadly, Paranormal Utopia doesn’t reference its source, and has no direct quotes from Dinsdale; I could find neither Simon Dinsdale nor the Dinsdale family online, and the only news hit I get is to an Indian source that times out. Until Simon D. puts out a press release or puts up a website, I don’t know where Paranormal Utopia is getting its info…in fact, it’s as murky as the waters of Loch Ness.

His father, Tim Dinsdale, is one of the small number of hardcore legends among monster hunters. In 1960, the elder Dinsdale shot what is probably the most widely discussed film footage of what might be a monster at Loch Ness, which was analyzed much over the years and often found by analysts to be, er, compelling.

At least as many critics found it debunkable, but no hoax has been revealed and no two sources agree on what the thing is — a fact made more difficult by the fact that, according to loch-ness.org, the Dinsdale family seems to disdain the film’s use or distribution.

A reasonably good analysis of the film can be found at nessie.org.uk, where it is concluded that what Dinsdale saw was “an ordinary object” (ie, a small wooden boat). After having the film submitted to them, the RAF determined that it was neither beast nor boat, but an unknown inanimate object. Other viewers have claimed they see what looks like a plesiosaur, which is the most commonly mentioned candidate for a dinosaur that could have evolved into something like what people believe they’ve seen at Loch Ness.

Attempting to prove that what he had seen was, in fact, a cryptid, Dinsdale took part in more than 50 expeditions to Loch Ness during the remainder of his life (he died in 1987).

By the way, in case you don’t know, that iconic still image you’re probably used to seeing of the Loch Ness Monster is known as “The Surgeon’s Photo.” It was taken in 1933 and first brought Nessie to worldwide attention, though it was not the first image taken of Nessie. It was exposed as a hoax in 1994 when a man named Christian Spurling revealed before his death at age 90 that he had helped two conspirators, Colonel Robert Wilson and Spurling’s stepfather Maraduke Weatherell, to create the photo using a toy submarine and a fake sea serpent head.

Just to be clear, Dinsdale’s film is completely unconnected to the Surgeon’s Photo, but those are the two most widely discussed pieces of documentation cited in favor of a monster explanation of the Nessie phenomenon, making Dinsdale’s film the “best evidence.”

Dinsdale’s footage has never been exposed as a hoax, and is still considered by Nessie believers to be the best evidence extant. In fact, Cryptomundo calls its annual monster-hunter award the Dinsdale Memorial Award. I couldn’t find a copy of the entire Dinsdale film (which is about two minutes), but here’s what appears to be 13 practically useless seconds of it.

Tim Dinsdale wrote at least a half-dozen books on the subject, including The Leviathans, Monster Hunt, The Story of the Loch Ness Monster, Project Water Horse, and The Facts About Loch Ness and the Monster. In fact, so many of Dinsdale’s books have been released as “revised editions” and with different titles in different markets (the UK vs. North America, mostly) that it’s hard to tell just how many books he wrote.

For what it’s worth, I put a Google Alert out on Simon Dinsdale. If the intrepid detective slaps any pics of Nessie on Flickr…I’m there.

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Jonathan Winters is Still Alive?

December 30th, 2010 No comments

"New" in 2011.

Before I write another word, I must say that I consider it hugely rude to comment on older performers by saying, “That person’s still alive!?!?!?!?” I consider the general phenomenon of celebrity death watches to be of questionable taste — symptoms of a society that discards those who were once of value the second our attention wanders.

Performers who have delighted and inspired us are expected to vanish the second they get old and ugly — or, to put it another way, the second we don’t give a shit about them. I find that offensive; I bear no ill will toward, say, Steven Tyler or Courtney Love, so why should I wish to speculate on their potential to shuffle off this mortal coil any more than I would speculate on whether they’ll marry, breed with or break up with this or that fashion model, backup singer or Swedish bohunk?

Would doing so somehow make me feel more alive? Or does regarding all denizens of the show business world as pieces of meat who get born, grow up and die for the sole purpose of amusing us thoroughly devalue all human endeavor? Does it make the very fact of performance, whether it be a Beethoven sonata or a Johnny Carson skit, a stripper’s lap dance or a speed-fueled comedy monologue, utterly futile as a mode of expression and communication?

I vote the latter.

It is this utter credulousness that makes me do stuff like get excited when I hear that comedian Jonathan Winters is among the living, which is the only reason I would ever slap such a rude title on this post.

Yes, it’s true. I felt a vague sense of euphoria when I spotted Jonathan Winters mugging at me from a Facebook ad. It was weird.

The ad told me, “Yes, he’s still alive!”

I thought to myself, “Wow, he’s still alive!?! That’s really wonderful. I love Jonathan Winters!”

Why did I think that? Your guess is as good as mine; I don’t love Jonathan Winters. In fact, I don’t give a damn about Jonathan Winters, other than I imagine he’s probably a reasonably nice guy, and he’s never done anything to screw me over, so I’m glad to hear he’s alive because, generally speaking, being sorry he’s not dead would be creepy.

But it wouldn’t be creepy because I have any personal investment in Jonathan Winters; it’d be creepy in the same way it would be creepy to wish death upon some guy I had a pleasant conversation or two with at a stamp-collecting party. Insofar as I’ve ever had an opinion on Jonathan Winters, the opinion has been “Oh, there’s that guy again.”

That’s how I felt any of the thirty times I remember seeing him on Love Boat (a show that, to my knowledge, he was never on), any of the forty times I just KNOW I saw him on Fantasy Island (on which, again, he never guested), or any of the myriad times he was on Laugh-In saying “Sock it to me!” (that was Nixon).

I do love, just on principle, that Winters a veteran of vaudeville (which he’s not), that he appeared once on Hee-Haw (which he didn’t), and that he played the Dad on the animated sitcom Wait Till Your Father Gets Home (that was Tom Bosley).

Apparently my memory is correct on at least a few fronts, however — which is a relief; I was getting pretty worried that I’d remember serving with him in World War II or something. Furthermore, I discover I do give a damn about Jonathan Winters — at least enough to write a blog post about how weird it is that a 2007 documentary about him is on Facebook.

Anyway, the documentary now advertising on facebook is 2007′s Certifiably Jonathan. The title is surely a reference to the fact that Winters was institutionalized in the 1950s for a nervous breakdown, about he did comedy routines in 1960 — which, for what it’s worth, is pretty bad-ass; back then, people didn’t talk about their mental illness. Suddenly I love Jonathan Winters! I love him more than I love Hollywood Squares!

Thankfully, a few things I remember about the esteemed Mr. Winters do happen to be correct. Winters was, in fact, in the delightful ’63 yock-fest It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World; he was a pool player in an old Twilight Zone with Jack Klugman; he was indeed in 1966′s The Russians Are Coming, The Russians Are Coming; he really did sell Hefty Bags; he was, in fact, Mork & Mindy‘s alien space baby. In the midst of all my murky Jonathan Winters memories bubbling up from my enormous mental reservoir of Things That Never Happened, I have to say that I’m most glad I didn’t hallucinate him as Robin Williams’s hatched-not-born alien space baby. That woulda been weird.

However, the  film’s proclamation that it’s “Coming in 2011, [a] new film” is sort of disingenuous. It’s apparently just being released or re-released on DVD or something; in its urgency to convince me that a four-year-old film is a new film, the publicists have failed to tell me why the hell I’m supposed to care that Jonathan Winters was alive and making movies four years ago, other than because not caring would be four-years-ago-worth of vaguely creepy.

But this is not “a new film.” I don’t begrudge the promoters from wanting people to see this damn thing (that is, after all, their job). But it once again smacks me in the face with the filthy lying nature of all PR. Why, oh why, must publicists treat Google, IMDB and Wikipedia like things only underground hackers with pink hair and facial piercings know how to use?

Anyway, after ridiculing it heartlessly, and discovering that Winters had the brass ones to publicly make light of his own mental illness in 1960, I now feel duty-bound to see the thing, if only to relive Jonathan’s greatest moments on Hee-Haw.

It is mildly helpful that the Facebook page asked people to post their favorite Jonathan clip, which helped me remember that not everything that happened to me before 1980 was something I watched on TV. Some stuff I saw in the theater.

The film features appearances by Mork, Howie Mandel, Nora Dunn, Sarah Silverman, Tim Conway, Jeffrey Tambor, Jimmy Kimmel, Rob Reiner, Ernie Hudson, Sheena Easton, and many more. It’s an absolute parade of media celebrities I’m vaguely aware of.

There are also, apparently, a whole damn shitload of Arquettes in the thing. But those people are a whole ‘nother post.

The Holsman High-Wheeler

December 29th, 2010 No comments

Spotting this vintage 1909 ad for sale on EBay reminded me how much I love the Brass Era of automobile manufacturing, and the Holsman High-Wheeler in particular. If you have the brass, you can put in a bid for it; it’s up for bidding until the middle of January, and the bid at press time is a mere $36.95 — a pittance for a hundred-year-old newspaper ad, right?

The Brass Era is one of the names for the pre-World War I period when cars were fielded with many brass fittings. The Holsman model was part of a class of American cars known as high wheelers that were shaped, more or less, like the earlier horse-drawn buggies. Their high wheels (with solid rubber tires) made it easier to drive over the very rough roads that had been designed for horses, and for horse-drawn carriages with wooden wheels. Many of those tracks still had the ruts left by said wooden wheels.

Controlled by joystick, the Holsman High Wheeler, manufactured by Chicago’s Holsman Automobile Company in Chicago from 1901 to 1910. It was controlled by joystick, rather than wheel, like many old cars. According to HolsmanAutomobile.com, a tribute and resource page for collectors and historians, the motto of the company was “High Wheels Travel All Roads Because All Roads Are Made To Be Traveled By High Wheels.” Holsmans are rare. Of at least one model, the 10K, there is only one example in existence.

Creative Commons image by James Tworow

The Holsman page has some wonderful excerpts from period descriptions of the car. Here’s a sample that helps give you a sense of what it must have been like to operate one of those beauties:

The gasoline tank is placed in the seat back.  Steering is by means of a horizontal lever, similar to those used by many of the electric vehicles.  Throttling is accomplished by twisting the end of the steering handle.  The gear changing is done by means of a small hand lever shifting a short distance along the front of the seat.  A large side lever swings the countershaft to start, stop and reverse the movement of the vehicle in the manner previously explained.  The springs are all full elliptic, and the carriage is claimed to be absolutely vibrationless.  In front of the dash is a compartment, which holds the batteries and furnishes a storage space in addition.  There is also room for storage behind the seat.  The forward mudguards are arranged to swing with the front wheels.  A tool box is arranged under the floor just back of the dash.  The weight is about 900 pounds.  No differential is used, as the belts will slip enough to accomplish the object sought.

…Is it just me? Does that make you long for the glorious stink of mud and cow manure as you race at a breakneck speed of eight miles per hour to stop that scoundrel Dr. Berpopple from tying your fiancee to the train tracks so she can’t inherit the mining concessions from her ill father…or what?

High Wheels Travel All Roads Because All Roads Are Made To Be Traveled By High Wheels.”

X-Wave Mind Interface Device for the iPhone, iPad, iPod Touch

December 28th, 2010 No comments

Screencap from a creepy X-Wave promotional video.

The X-Wave headset is a funky little gadget for Apple devices that a story yesterday on Huffington Post (referencing a Mashable piece from Sunday) claims offers “Mind Control” for the iPhone. A piece back in September on Switched.com said the same thing.  These guys clearly haven’t got the faintest idea what is meant by the term “Mind Control” — but then, who does? When I think “mind control for the iPhone,” I think “Mistress Hortencia commands you to make a donation via PayPal,” not “Think really hard and you can make the little sphere dance around the screen.”

For what it’s worth, during the September round of coverage for this baby, Engadget got it partly right, by not headlining their story with anything about “mind control.” What they did say, however, is that the X-Wave ap lets you “control your iPhone with your noodle,” which is equal amounts of bullshit. What it does, supposedly, is let you control the X-Wave ap with your noodle. If you could think a phone number and have your iPhone dial it, that would be far more impressive. Check out these bizarrely perky promotional videos for the thing:

Feel free to vote in the comments on which one is creepier (my vote’s for the first one, by far).

That ap, by the way, is available at iTunes. You can currently buy one model of the X-Wave, with three more promised “soon.”

Here’s what Engadget had to say about the X-Wave back in September:

As you might expect, the headset makes use of the NeuroSky technology that we’ve seen several times through the years and will be made available with a number of apps upon its release next month including a game, dedicated training app, a music controller (which will let you compare brainwaves with other XWave users, interestingly), and an “Om Meditation Timer.” If none of those titles have captured your imagination, you’ll be able to write your own apps with the device’s SDK.

[Link.]

According to an unreferenced statement on  Wikipedia, NeuroSky uses “small electrical neural impulses generated by thought and mental state,” which makes it essentially an electroencephalograph. You can find out more about Neurosky as it’s used for medical applications at the Neurosky Brain-Computer Interface Technologies website.

Emotiv launched a similar device last year, the Emotiv EPOC Neuroheadset. Retailing for $299, it uses 14 sensors instead of what appears to be eight on the $100 X-Wave. Also, the EPOC is wireless (the X-Wave headset is wired).

While the EPOC was covered heavily in the gaming press, it also claims to offer “Life changing applications for disabled patients,” and, disturbingly, claims as one of its potential applications:

Market Research & Advertising – get true insight about how people respond and feel about material presented to them. Get real-time feedback on user enjoyment and engagement.

Got the Orwell Chills, anyone? I’m not sure what freaks me out more — the idea of comparing brainwaves with other X-Wave users, or of having a market research company strap me screaming into an EPOC so they can know what I really want from a soft drink before I do.

Once the OKCupid interface gets written — that’s when we really have to worry.

You can get a sense of just how hard the Emotiv headset is to control in this video, via a PCAuthority interview with the Emotiv co-founder Nam Do, where a guy tries to rotate Stonehenge:

…nonetheless, since all EEG-based devices reportedly get much easier to use with practice, the experienced user will likely have a different experience once a practical ap is used.

Strangely, I remember stuff like this from my childhood, when Mr. Spock promised me that biofeedback could “reduce muscular tension, redirect blood flow, and perform feats previously thought impossible”:

Biofeedback as a class of skill-building activities, by the way, doesn’t just rely on brainwaves, but also involves the control of such things as muscle tone, skin temperature, heart rate, perspiration, etc — mostly involuntary responses that can become slightly voluntary with practice.