Giant Lizards Invade Boca Raton

This is a story on about the town of Boca Raton, where 6-foot-long iguanas have begun to proliferate, causing a nuisance and extreme fear to the pansy-ass residents, who are so scared that their dogs and/or children are going to be attacked that they’re raising a holy ruckus and expressing their terror to the news reporters.

Says the announcer with a hint of bemusement in her voice, “I couldn’t find any examples of iguanas attacking dogs or humans.” I lived with an iguana named Grendel for a year and actually sat on him once (poor thing — he was OK but I felt bad), and at no time did I ever get the sense that he would have attacked anyone.

In any event, people, six feet long hardly qualifies as “giant.” When I saw the headline, I was expecting iguanas the SIZE of Boca Raton. Hope springs eternal.

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