Zombie of Montclaire Moors
Originally uploaded by Thomas Roche
We’ve all had this problem: You’re all hopped up from fighting zombies. You go to the airport and run head-on into some guy lumbering toward you screaming “Brains!” Thinking he’s a zombie, you whip the gas-powered chainsaw out of your carry-on, pull the zip start and charge, screaming “This one’s for Ben, motherfucker!”
Next thing you know the guy’s in pieces — maybe eight, ten of them — and your daughter’s all “Dad! That’s no zombie! This guy’s from Vogue!”
WTF, how were you supposed to know? Sure, the guy tried to say something, probably “don’t cut me in half, I’m not a zombie,” but chainsaws are loud, and with the screaming and all… and hey, it’s not like the world is short on photographers, right? Am I right?
Well, thank God actor Woody Harrelson is more of a fisticuffs kind of guy, rather than the pragmatic chainsaw type you or I would doubtless prove to be under the circumstances. Otherwise, the TSA might start restricting gas-powered chainsaws in carry-on luggage. Harrelson is being sued by a photographer from TMZ.com for shoving him in the face at LaGuardia. Explains Harrelson:
I wrapped a movie called ‘Zombieland,’ in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then flew to New York, still very much in character… With my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie.
So there you have it: It makes perfect sense to me. Care to lay odds that the photographer actually was a zombie — and the government-media alliance is covering up the details? TSA-TMZ — coincidence?
You can check out the footage here. TMZ is claiming this means there’s no shame in Hollywood, since clearly Harrelson’s comment is intended as a promotion for the film — and if you believe there’s no shame in Hollywood, I’ve got a website for you to read. Another TMZ photographer also filed suit against Harrelson in 2006 for another grab-and-push incident. No word on whether he mistook that one for Javier Bardem.