Motor City Madman Slapped Down by Golden State

ted nugent loves animals.

The Nuge loves animals so much he wears Grampa shirts that look vaguely sort of kind of like maybe snakeskin or something. U.S. Navy photo (!) of Ted Nugent, Naples, Italy, 2004. Public Domain.

Everyone knows that we here in California hate guns and America so much we want to lure everyone east of the Nevada border into the festering slums of South Central so we can get them high on medical marijuana, confiscate their assault rifles and have our Al Qaeda-connected cab drivers deliver them to bathhouses in the Castro so we can send them back to God’s Country in a lavender Prius singing “Kids” from Bye, Bye Birdie — right?

Well, apparently we also love deer more than reality television. Ted “I am Rosa Parks With a Gibson Guitar” Nugent just pleaded no contest to whacking a deer using deer bait in California, which charge carries a $1,750 fine. But that’s hardly interesting; one more no-contest plea by Deadly Tedly in a pansy-ass state resulting in a large-and-three-quarters fine paid out of the Century Arms petty cash box — that shouldn’t really start yours truly dancing the Left-Of-Center Schadenfreude Fandango, should it? It’s not the fact he was busted; it’s the way he was busted. My giddy excitement comes from the fact that this is some high-tech law enforcement here:

“California Department of Fish and Game spokesman Patrick Foy says game wardens saw Nugent kill an immature buck on a February episode of his Outdoor Channel TV show ‘Spirit of the Wild.’

Investigators found that the deer had been eating bait called ‘C’mere Deer.’ Baiting wildlife is illegal in California.”

That’s right: The Nuge got nailed because he did something illegal on television. And you know who nailed him? CALIFORNIANS! I only hope whatever game warden spotted that little indiscretion of Uncle Ted’s did so while sipping Pinot Noir and wearing silk pajamas. Can you imagine the elation Nancy Pelosi must have felt, getting that call at three in the morning? “Madame Speaker — we got ‘im. We got Nugent!” “Jesus…Jesus, that’s great to hear, Ranger. I’ll let Obama know right away. Now get some sleep — you’ve done a great job. Allāhu Akbar, Ranger, and Viva la France.” “Viva la France, Madame Speaker.”

Did I mention that shit was called “C’mere, Deer”? Could I make this shit up?

Sweaty Teddy, who really did famously use a question from a French journalist about the last thoughts of his dying prey to mock the French — and, yes, really did call himself “Rosa Parks with a Gibson Guitar” –also once said “Whenever I hear the word animal or rights in the same paragraph, I’m killing an extra hundred of something this year.”

I wonder how many extra hundreds of something he kills when he pleads no contest?

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