Kung Fu Sisters To Fight Potential Suitors

Image from Orange News UK

Apparently having found OKCupid wanting, Xiao and Yin Lin, sisters and martial arts experts, are holding three days of combat in Foushan, China, to decide who they’ll marry.

Oh, and the awesome part? They’ll stay masked throughout.

I have to say at the outset, this whole thing smells like a hoax; I can’t say why, but it just does. If it’s NOT a hoax, it’s about six helpings of awesome. If it’s a hoax, it’s still a helping and a half.

As told in Orange News UK:

First contestants must show off their archery skills, then they must carry a heavy weight over sharpened bamboo spears, and finally they have to defeat one of the sisters in full contact combat.

Only then will contestants earn the right to remove the girls’ masks and propose to them.

“We tried dating agencies but the men we met were all too weak. We could beat them easily,” said Yin.

Okay, look, I think I see their trouble, and I’d say maybe getting a little trigger-happy in the “let’s keep the spice in our relationship” department.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the world’s most accomplished dater. In fact, I’m pretty bad at it. I’ll also admit that most of my relationships end up with me carrying heavy weights a fair amount of the time. Archery? Yes, now and then. And the full contact combat? Of course, once the baby’s-breath is ordered.

But, I mean — sharpened bamboo spears? That’s usually after-I-meet-your parents crap. It should maybe even wait till you’re in who-rents-the-U-Haul territory.

For at least the first few months, the main weapons in a dater’s repertoire should be snark, complaint, eye-rolling, nostril-flaring, snide remarks about your partner’s various exes and the vague implication that you would be dating someone else if this person weren’t here wasting your time. Silent glares are sort of a bonus round. If you can best your date in “Let’s not fight” and “Can’t we just enjoy each others’ company FOR ONCE?” then you are guaranteed a lifetime of marital-bliss smackdown. But true love takes time, people.

These girls hauled the bamboo spears out for coffee at Starbucks?

Slow it down, girls. Practice your conversational skills. Repeat after me:

“Oh, wow, you’re wearing that?”

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