In case you were wondering, what publicists do all day is think up the kind of shit OK Cupid pulled last week. Reported extensively in a variety of media outlets and geekblogs, the online dating site’s media coup came by saying iPhone users have more sex.
What people who write for geekblogs do all day is sit around and tell themselves that OKCupid says that iPhone users have more sex, presumably because they all have iPhones. This is sort of the techie equivalent of a German sausage maker with a handlebar mustache who stuffs pig entrails with ground meat all day while wearing a “Germans Make the Best Lovers!” wifebeater.
And who knows? Maybe they do. But if I’m that handsome devil’s nightly bed-partner, I don’t need his T-shirt to tell me one way or the other.
Speaking of which, speculating on how much sex people with iPhones have, and what it would be like to be with the kind of cut, built, sweet, hot, well-endowed, obviously brilliant and kinda sensitive sort of person who would own an iPhone seems to have been a favorite sport for quite some time, among people with iPhones.
But I digress. To be more specific, what OKCupid said last week was this: among 30-year-old smartphone users, men with iPhones averaged 10 lifetime-so-far sexual partners, versus 6 for Androids and 8.1 for those with Blackberries. Or is that “Blackberrys”? I have a Virgin Mobile flip phone that cost me $19.99 at Best Buy in Stockton, so I think that puts me in the “less sex than someone with a Newton” category; fretting over the plural of a brand-name is probably the filthiest strange I’ll get this decade, at least until I can spring for one of these bubbas.
Anyway: For women with iPhones, OK Cupid said the number of life-to-date sexual partners for iPhone/Android/Blackberry numbers were 12.3/6.1/8.8, proving that girls who can handle shiny things are hot. This should not be a news flash to anybody.
But what should be a news flash is that self-reported data is being trumpeted in blogs as if it were news — by numbskull bloggers who probably don’t take it seriously, but still repeat information as if it were…hey, wait a minute, I’m doing that, aren’t I? But I’m exempt from the stigma, because I claim it’s bullshit.
Still, any mention of marketing whirligig pseudo-science, positive or negative, helps establish its source — in this case OKCupid — as some sort of “authority” on how to get laid, and the subject — the iPhone — as something filled with mystique. Well, for the record, I disabled my OKCupid acount years ago, after the eleventeenth time they suggested I hook up with one of my exes; if you have to know, yes, yes in fact I did take them up on it first, but that’s not the point.
Of probably more interest than the claim that iPhone users have more sex is OKCupid’s sheer-bloody-genius claim that more sophisticated cameras tend to take more flattering photos. You don’t say!
Since OKCupid users routinely rate photos for attractiveness — sound familiar? — this data may actually be of some interest, especially to people trying to decide whether to limp along with their current camera or spring for the new Lumix. And if you needed OKCupid to tell you that a $500 camera really will take better pics than your phone cam — well, then no amount of sexting, my friend, is going to make you any hotter.