Is Sasquatch Rael?

Lest you should imagine that we at Techyum are questioning the simple and self-evident fact that a hairy cryptohominid lives in the woods of the Pacific Northwest smoking cigars and playing poker with lumberjacks — which no sane person would deny — you should know that our real and very legitimate question is about the rabid, Israel-hating American left.

Frothing-at-the-mouth right-wing lunatic Donald Douglas of the neoconservative blog American Power is (or, rather, “was”) here to set you straight on the matter.

As reported at the blogs of Michigan science journalist Ed Brayton and California “civil-libertarian-socialist”  James G. Webb, as well as the “towering intellects” (Douglas’s words) at Sadly No — the following is submitted for your approval:

Douglas, who spends a lot of time blogging about how the American left loves Muslims and hates Israel, went to New York to be among his fellow Patriots for the anniversary of 9/11. He took a lot of pictures. Moments after Douglas expressed his horror at the “9/11 Truthers”:

Those people are shocking to me. I can’t fathom the scale of conspiracies these people concoct…Evil fringe crowd, and demented.

…Don Douglas launched into the following rant, which he then took down from his blog (it was captured by Cuban agents and preserved for your Stalinist Commie-pinko doubleplus-ungood laugh-pleasure, my comrades):

I saw this kid yacking it up for the crowd, obviously having a blast with this ugly Jew-hating sign. And what does that mean, “SASQUATCH ISRAEL”? This is a play on the “legitimacy myth” of Israel’s existence. As there’s of course a “Sasquatch myth,” it’s worth noting the implied comparison: that Israel is also an ape-like beast existing only in historical folklore. Absent legitimacy, Israel has “no right to exist.” This kid’s sign is but one more example of eliminationist anti-Semitism. And look at how overjoyed he is in boasting this hatred. Creepy.

I’d be overjoyed too, if I was holding a sign that proclaimed Sasquatch was real; you have to keep smiling because it keeps the Bilderberg satellites from targeting you with their frickin’ laser beams.

“Creepy” and “Shocking” is certainly the word for the term “Sasquatch Israel,” which should now enter the progressive lexicon as a word for left-wing sentiments hallucinated by those who “can’t fathom the scale of conspiracies these people concoct.”

I don’t mean to put words in a fascist asshat’s mouth, since Douglas took the image and the rant down from his blog. I imagine he was getting more traffic than ever.

However, he did post the following counter-rant, digging himself in even deeper and accusing leftists of picking on him because we hate “moral clarity,” like Israel being a Sasquatch:

So “SASQUATCH ISRAEL” is really truly “SASQUATCH IS REAL.” And there’s even a website for that, on Facebook.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I’m dumb.

I stand by what I wrote, either way.

That said, the towering intellects at Sadly No! are all too ready to point out any discrepancies, throwing in a little snide dig at the “Juses” for good measure: “Don Douglas Hearts Juses.”

Yes, I do.

But that begs the question: The brilliant leading lights at Sadly No! don’t?

Actually, I’m not surprised.

Leftists hate moral clarity. And they hate Israel. We don’t need a Sasquatch myth to figure that out. So, a hearty F*** You to the lot of you, assholes.

Incidentally, Don,you Juses-loving brilliant leading light (whatever the hell that is)…short lesson in blogging protocols. It’s really not that complicated, but:

“I stand by what I wrote” and “I took it down from my blog once someone pointed out that it was stupid” are actually not the same thing.

“I do not stand by what I wrote, because someone pointed out that it was stupid, so I took it down from my blog” is probably what you meant…but that’s meeting you more than halfway.

Admitting you said something stupid and then claiming that the person who points out that you said something stupid is a scumbag for pointing out that you said something stupid and, simultaneously, claiming that what you said isn’t stupid while admitting that what you said IS stupid and is…look, has this guy never watched a John Wayne movie?

However, thereafter accusing your detractors of anti-semitism based on either misreading “Juses” as “Jews” as opposed to “Jesus” because you see anti-Semitism around every corner, or knowing it’s supposed to be Jesus and riffing on someone else’s pun in order to therefore accuse them of anti-Semitism — that’s completely rational, so keep doing that.

And for the record, I do love Juses. I love Him very much. Wait, who’s Juses?

I don’t know about you, but as a rabid leftist I make up for hating “moral clarity” by loving intellectual clarity, so here’s a little of that.

Don Douglas is dumb. He’s Raelly dumb.

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4 comments on “Is Sasquatch Rael?
  1. Yeah, he’s dumb. But at least you and he agree on that (see Rant 2, paragraph 2).

    WAIT – you agree on something? Now I’m really worried.

  2. Hey, I’m the kid from the original picture. I’d just like to say that this is awesome. I just found out today (11 months later) about this whole big deal. There’s even a website selling “Sasquatch Israel” apparel. It’s all quite overwhelming, but I’m overjoyed that it’s continued this far and no doubt I’ll be back this year!

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