The Honorable Anthony Weiner is the Congressional Representative for parts of Brooklyn and Queens. You’ll be relieved to know, however, that he’s One Of Us. That is to say, while certain crypto-Bolshevik elements in the US Government, like Barack “Hussein” Obama, Joe “Pol Pot” Biden, Hillary “The Borg Queen” Clinton and their Hollyweird lickspittles like Alec “Machine Gun Kelly” Baldwin, Terry “Amy Fisher” Gross and Angelina “Albert Anastasia” Jolie were busy eating the souls of Christian children at a secret underground compound in Damascus, Weiner applauded the actions of the GOP in dragging those Lazy Leftists in Congress back into session to vote on de-funding NPR.
And when he addressed his Brave American Heroes like John “Audie Murphy” Boehner and Michelle “Ingrid Bergman in Casablanca” Bachmann, he not only had the sense to remain utterly humble in the presence of true American honor; he pwned evil’s ass with a blowtorch.
The Axis of Evil Rep. Weiner had the bravery to expose? It’s the front one on your ’87 Honda Civic four-door with 167,000 miles on it; it’s the axis that makes a clicking noise every time you take it up to about 50, 55 but if you keep it going up to 60 it stops most of the time you would say, eighty percent of the time, maybe ninety, and no problem just drive it at forty but drive twice as far! Of course, your wife keeps telling you, oh, get rid of it and get a Volvo, ’cause the kids will be safer, but you really love this car, it was the first car you bought after college, and you sold your plasma to make the down-payment…
So you remember Rep. Weiner when you’re gobbling down that Islamist mind-control candy they’re calling Potassium Iodide tomorrow. You remember the brave sacrifice of The Hon. Anthony Weiner when you’re using your basketball-sized thyroid tumor as an escritoire to endorse your very last unemployment check and thinking, “At least I still have the PhD…can I sell that?” You remember that when you receive your draft notice and an Uzbek phrasebook six days before your sixty-fifth birthday. You remember all those Real Americans that Took Back the Night last November when you pump $70 into your Hyundai.
You remember Rep. Weiner when you face…the Death Panels of Emperor Obama.
At least the real evil has been defeated. Now please put your valuables in the FREE FOR BANKERS box to your right, and walk right over there to your left, down the hall that says “BARELY ANY SERIOUS RADIATION. NONE, REALLY. ALSO, KITTENS!”